Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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