I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
