What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
