The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
