your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
