Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
