Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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