I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
