You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
