I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
