Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
