New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
