No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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