So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
