i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
