Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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