I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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