this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
