what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
