Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
