i may or may not be watching the land before time
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
