but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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