Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
