i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
