Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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