did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
