it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
