sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
