The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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