They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i would punch a child for taco bell
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
