And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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