i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
