I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
