So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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