We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
