i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
