The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
