trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
When are your genitals available?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
