Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
