I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
