so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
