She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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