They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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