why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
