Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
