I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
