so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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