Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
