It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
