Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
