Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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