so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
