She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
