oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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